The Last Word (tm) SURPRISE!
Vol. 12/No. 11 - 397th issue - October 29, 2003
Bathroom Bandit, editor-in-chief - serving Bellevue, KY, from New America -
blog blogga blog at


I don't want this to be a reason to discourage you from voting, but I think they've got this one pretty much sewn up, don't you?

I mean, look: Considering just how singularly bad the RethugliKKKan Party is, they shouldn't even have a prayer of winning. In fact, we did an informal survey of Kentucky voters asking who they're voting for in the governor "election" on November 4, and Democrat Ben Chandler beats Republican Ernie Fletcher by 80% to 20%. (Contrary to the frenzied babblings of an Assholciated Press article, the Patton "scandal" does not seem to be a factor.) But, judging by what happened in the 2000 presidential "election", when we conducted a similar survey where Bush got 0%, just give the Republicans an extra 48% and you've got the "official" result.

In other words, this thing ain't gonna be good, and it ain't gonna be close either. Not based on real votes, of course, but you know they don't count half the votes that aren't GOP. We've been through this before, and we know to expect the worst.

It's a fact that the Republican Party uses fraud and intimidation to steal "elections". There's more of it each year. (Yeah, I know they finally started getting their asses kicked around 1998-99, after a shitload of stolen "elections" in the mid-'90s, but if there wasn't so much fraud by '98 then Newt Gingrich's resignation would've been the least of the GOP's worries.) It's unclear why Kentucky - despite being in 1995 the site of the first major repudiation by voters of the Contract With America - has trended to the right more so than other states. With relatively few rich suburbs, Kentucky should be less conservative than average - in fact, it once was - so it's a mystery why Kentucky has been dragged into the sewer so quickly. If it makes you feel any better, Kentucky is far from being alone, for about two-thirds of other states (including the 4 big ones, following the California recall disaster) have Republican governors now.

The problem worsened when the media incited a campaign against "vote hauling" in poor rural counties. What they call "vote hauling" - the practice of transporting people who do not have cars to the polling place - is what many poor voters in remote areas consider a necessity to be able to cast their ballot. If you want to raise a stink about something, then go after Religious Right apparatchiks who abuse their tax-exempt status by handing out Republican propaganda leaflets at church and intimidating people into voting GOP.

The rightist trend may also be helped by the fact that 7 of the most Republican counties in the state have more registered voters than voting-age residents - a problem also found in 23 counties in Texas.

We know "elections" are rigged because people can't really be so stupid that they'd actually vote for a party that opposes their interests year after year. And because folks aren't so conservative that they'd consistently vote Republican on the grounds that it serves their interests: In 2000, only 29% of voters in a national poll identified themselves as conservative.

If you were planning on voting next Tuesday, don't let the Republicans' sabotage of this "election" stop you. GOPstapo thuggery is so out of control that I'm encouraged to vote for almost ANYONE who isn't a Republican, no matter how undeserving or unwinnable they are. I wasn't even going to bother voting, but the racist hired thug episode in Louisville ought to cost Ernie Fletcher dearly. I regret ever considering staying home on Election Day, but that was before the vote challenger scandal. Ben Chandler is WAY too conservative for me, but I shall vote for him anyway, because it's one vote Ernie sure as fuck ain't stealing. If there are any more scandals from Fletcher before Election Day, and if we mobilize against him, then there's a remote chance that GOP fraud ain't gonna be enough to save him.

And I mean VERY remote.

Fletcher should use his governor salary to go seek psychological help.

(By the way, Fletcher is a cosponsor of the misnamed National Right To Work Act, designed to bust labor unions. That alone pretty much disqualifies him from ever receiving our support.)


The Council of Conservative Citizens is a right-wing racist group that evolved from the old White Citizens Councils (the "uptown Klan"). Republican politicians had to tuck their tails between their legs and skulk back a few steps several years ago when it was discovered that many of them, including Trent Lott (the Mississippi Hair Helmet), had ties to this organization of racist poologs.

But now they don't even try to hide their CCC support - and even more shocking, they're leading in the polls!

Haley Barbour, former Republican National Committee chairman and now the RethugniKKKan candidate for Mississippi governor, is beaming widely in a photo that the CCC proudly displays on its website full of racist propaganda. He's standing in the middle of a group of crazed gentlemen at a barbecue in Carrollton, MS, sponsored by the CCC to raise money to buy buses for private schools that exist to preserve racial segregation.

And - like a true racist - he's proud of this photo!

Barbour is so appreciative of being associated with a racist organization that he has announced he will not ask the CCC to remove his picture.

Believe it or not, polls show he's actually winning by 5%!!! Mississippi has an unfortunate history regarding racial matters, but you wouldn't expect someone with such blatantly racist views to be winning by that much in our lifetime.

Why is it that lately that the more idiotic things a candidate does, the more their poll numbers go up?

Bush should have been demolished by his lying about his DUI arrest. Ernie Fletcher should have been utterly destroyed by his attack ads and his racist voter intimidation tactics. BUT NOOOOO! According to Newton's Laws of Poll Motion, stupidity = popularity. The dumber a candidate gets, the more winnable they become.

Are people stupid?

Of course not! We're witnessing a corrupt dictatorship, not a real democracy.

Folks, I think this is it.

In the immortal words of World Party: Save me from tomorrow. I don't want to sail with this ship of fools.

For years we've been saying things couldn't get much worse, but they always do. I think now it's safe to say it's time to shut things down and start over from scratch. Or run for office myself (hint, hint).


A message board where an individual who is locally infamous - who happens to be my former gym teacher and a real right-wing scumbag - was ridiculed is suddenly out of service because the server that featured it lost all its data "due to circumstances beyond our control." It is one of 5 servers that this service has, and it just so happens to be the one that crashes and loses all the messages.

Try telling us that's not a coincidence.


Everything's illegal now.


At least it seems that way. Unless of course you're a telemarketing business, e-mail spammer, or school bully, in which case right-wing federal judges will protect your "right" to harass everyone else, in the name of True Free Speach Now (something the rest of us are denied). If you're anyone else, however, then look out!

Not long ago in Washington, DC, a 12-year-old girl was arrested, cuffed, booked, and fingerprinted for the "crime" of eating French fries at a subway station. It's a perfect example of Congress's mismanagement of the city's affairs, but congressional cronies who oversee the subway system refused to back down and defended the arrest. Taking a cue from the right-wing dictatorship in Singapore - which conservatives adore - the transit system has unleashed undercover cops to arrest passengers who dare to eat.

As if there aren't more serious crimes to worry about?

In this arrest, an undercover policeman unexpectedly appeared from behind a kiosk and jumped out in front of the girl and searched her bookbag (which of course is not legal, but then again, you can't really expect the Bill of Rights to be obeyed by the cops these days). As a punishment for eating in the subway station, the girl was sentenced to mandatory counseling and hard labor.

Let me tell you this: If a person who did not appear to be a cop leaped out in front of me like that and grabbed my bookbag, then they'd be facing major dental bills. It amazes you that police behave so unprofessionally.

In North Braddock, PA, a woman was jailed for mild profanity that she had quietly uttered - even though the Supreme Court has long ruled that profanity in this context is not an arrestable offense. And in Homestead, PA, two university students were both arrested because one of them spoke a vulgarity when they were almost struck by a police car at a crosswalk. In Lake County, MI, a man was charged with "assault" and threatened with 90 days in jail for using a mild profanity because the school system wouldn't do anything about his daughter being attacked by a school bus driver.

In October 2001, Detroit was the site of a 6 PM - yes, I said 6 PM - youth curfew. Missouri lawmakers (in a corporate-backed effort to keep factory farm and laboratory abuses from being exposed) approved a bill to imprison and fine people for taking photos of animals in a barn or research facility. In Miami, right-wing city officials announced that people - including children - would spend the night in jail for such capital offenses as sitting on milk crates, pushing shopping carts, or riding a bicycle. In Pensacola, FL, a high school student was charged with wiretapping for taping a lesson in chemistry class.

During the ribbon cutting ceremony at a replica of a dinosaur at Pittsburgh International Airport, county officials were banned from using scissors to cut the ribbon.

The only thing as extinct as dinosaurs is the idea that America is still a free country.


Damn, it's fucking pitiful!

As if we don't already have plenty of reasons to tear down the whole system and rebuild from the ground up...

In Norwalk, CT, the mother of two elementary school boys, ages 5 and 7, was charged with some trumped-up offense for allegedly arming the boys with a hammer and screwdriver to defend themselves from school bullies.

Uh, what's the crime?

The only crimes committed here are that of the bullies who harassed the youngsters in the first place, the school that failed to intervene and then suspended the victimized boys, and the police for charging the mother of the victims just for doing what any parent should do.

What message does it send to punish young victims of school violence and charge their parents with crimes for letting them stand up for themselves? We know school harassers are a protected class of people these days, but come on!

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(Copywrong 2003. Online edition created with Internet Exploder 6.)
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