the last word (tm)
15/No. 9 - 432nd issue - Dismember 4, 2006
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YOU HAD A BAD DAY, THE CAMERA DON'T LIE...
Dec. 4 - Did you watch the election results recently?
The TV coverage should have featured a laugh track to go along with all the losses the Republicans suffered. We watched the returns roll in on the Internets (sic), and we must say that, loss after hilarious loss, the song "Bad Day" kept playing in our heads. It was quite fitting for the GOP that day.
"The point is they laugh at what you say..." Even the few major Republicans who managed to get lucky like Geoff Davis aren't going to be taken seriously now, because their party lost control of both houses of Congress (which 6 months earlier they were gloating that they were guaranteed to keep). Nobody cares what losers think.
(Oh, and we're still gonna call bullshit on Davis and others slipping by. Just so you know.)
This is the most resounding repudiation by American voters of a major party in 32 years. Electorally, 1994 wasn't this bad for the Democrats, and 1998 was bad for Republicans mostly just because Newtzi grabbed his ball and went home like the big baby he is.
Now this is a mandate! After the liar Bush eked out an awe-inspiring 2% lead in 2004 - which we proved was acquired by election fraud, but that's beside the point - the dinosaur media cooed about what a big "mandate" for conservatism this was. The Los Angeles Times beamed, "Bush can claim a solid mandate of 51 percent of the vote." Well, in this year's election, Democrats won the popular vote for the House 52% to 46%, and in the Senate it was a smashing 54% to 42%. Hmm...a 12% lead for Senate Democrats in 2006 versus 2% for Bush in nutty ol' 2004. Which sounds like more of a mandate to you?
Our New America concept has pretty much been vindicated, don't ya think? We never conceded 1994, and now look who's having the last laugh.
Of course, some conservative losses are funnier than others. The defeat of Missouri's Jim Talent, for example, is perhaps the most satisfying of all, considering that he was one of the worst senators.
Kentucky no exception
Because Democrats started acting like Democrats again - instead of supporting right-wing bullshit like school uniforms - Republicans suffered their funniest losses in areas where the suburban vote is relatively weak. Kentucky, whose exurban percentage is fairly small, saw significant Republican losses in the state House.
Also, Louisville's U.S. House district rejected incumbent Republican Anne Northup in favor of a Democrat who actually ran on a progressive platform. (There goes the myth that Democrats have to be conservative to win in Kentucky - especially when you contrast this with Ken Lucas's fate.)
As if that wasn't enough to kerpow the catatonic, stupid-looking grins off the mugs of Kentucky rightists, voters swept a set of justices into the Kentucky Supreme Court that is expected to be far less conservative than those on the previous court. Even conservative John Roach, who was appointed to the court by the corrupt Ernie Fletcher regime, managed to go down in defeat.
Where to go from here?
So where do we go from here?
Raising the minimum wage and ending the war should be priorities, of course. It's also not too much to ask to demand a repeal of every major right-wing congressional act since the Contract With America. After all, this is supposed to be a two-party system.
We need to see a repeal of the 1996 Telecom Act and a restoration of media ownership caps that were in place before this villainous law.
We dare to say the 1996 welfare "reform" law must also be abolished. We've never thought there was any justice in cutting off aid to poor families with children while corporate welfare continued unabated and while Congress failed to create jobs for people who lost their benefits.
The Patriot Act must also go. This especially includes the part that prohibits librarians from even warning patrons that federal agents might illegally snoop at their library records, and the amendment that criminalizes anyone with a cold or hay fever by tracking their over-the-counter drug purchases and imposing draconian penalties for anyone who possesses too much of this medicine. The latter section is the Rockefeller drug law of the 21st century.
Also on the chopping block should be the fascist 1998 law by Rep. Mark Souder (R-Indiana) that cuts off aid to college students for minor drug offenses but lets school bullies go unpunished. This law embodies exactly the type of topsy-turvy thinking held by the Nazis who have controlled Congress the past 12 years. Under the rule of the right-wing cave dwellers, minor infractions that don't even occur at school are punished harshly by schools, while things that are far more serious that actually happen at school carry no penalty. (Before this law was modified, it retroactively applied to college students who had minor drug offenses in high school.)
Another Contract With America law illegally allows colleges to violate the privacy of students who are 18 or over by informing parents of petty violations of school policies. We'd like to know what was the nagging need for this law - other than the fact that conservatives in Congress liked to fuck horses and don poopy Strawberry Shortcake Underoos.
We look forward to a restoration of the First Amendment when another statute that unconstitutionally requires libraries to censor Internet access is also repealed.
Finally the Bush regime's misnamed No Child Left Behind law must also be left behind. It's a "one size fits all" policy that doesn't work. We know standardized testing has practically become the national religion, but its adherents are just gonna have to suck it up.
With the Far Right chastised harshly, we expect all of the above acts to be repealed - because we have a right to expect them to be repealed. It's hardly extreme to simply rescind extremist laws that were instituted only in the past dozen years. Then again, this goal wouldn't seem so unreachable had it not taken 12 whole years to bring the partisan numbers back to sane levels. That this farce went on for more than 2 years is a miracle.
And if the national village idiot vetoes any of the bills to repeal these laws, it will just mean further political ruin for his party come 2008. So the other side is really up a creek.
You know the saying: First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. And we will kick conservatives when they're down - because every time our side has let up, they always pop back up worse than ever. Like every bully, the scoundrels of the Rethuglican Right can dish it out, but they sure can't take it. They're going to have to learn to take it, because they've earned it.
(By the way, the baseless cheating accusations by conservatives have started.)
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