the last word (tm)

Vol. 18/No. 3 - 453rd issue – August 14, 2009 - - Bellevue, Kentucky


Since 2007, I've taken a renewed interest in going after abusive teen confinement cults - not just bad schools like Bishop Brossart High School. But schools and confinement facilities are woven together so tightly that it's hard to fight one without the other.

Take Kids Helping Kids, for example. Brossart allowed KHK to try to recruit from the student body. A Kentucky Post article from October 14, 1987, said Brossart hosted a presentation by a KHK follower - who gave a talk that bashed other types of programs and touted KHK.

KHK of course later became part of the right-wing Pathway Family Center cult, which went out of business last month because of negative publicity (i.e., facts). (KHK and PFC were in effect the same program.)

Children's Psychiatric Hospital of Northern Kentucky - which is now NorthKey - recruited in schools extensively. That's how my war with this cult began. Though Brossart is a Catholic school, it connived with Campbell County's public school system to "refer" me to CPH and cajole me into being taken there - despite the fact that I wasn't suffering from any psychiatric disorder. My only "illness" was getting expelled from Bro$$art.

It's also been reported that KHK recruited in the Milford school system.

Staffers who resign from an abusive program often reappear at another abusive program that is supposedly unrelated. Similarly, staffers occasionally jump from a confinement center to a school - or vice versa. This expands the web of people that confinement programs enjoy in our schools.

School principals are often listed among the boards of directors of abusive programs. School handbooks often list the phone numbers of such programs and urge parents to call them.

Scourge hits Covington too

CPH recruitment was notable even in the Covington schools - especially in the form of what I've long called Spit Eye School. This class that flourished in the early '90s was overseen by CPH's parent company but was part of the Covington school system. It had two coequal bosses - the Covington school district and what is now NorthKey - which shared governance of this class. Step out of line at Spit Eye School, and the threat of CPH - or another lockup - loomed large.

Even as far away as Floyd County in eastern Kentucky, the public schools' student handbook referred parents to KHK - a distance of 200 miles. CPH recruited from all over Kentucky. Many kids had been "referred" there by their school.

Brossart referred me to a quack shrink who happened to work at CPH and recommended that program. Earlier, St. Joseph's School in Cold Spring had referred me to a different shrink, who also recommended a "hospital" (believed to be CPH) - even though I was not suffering from a psychiatric illness then either. In addition, the voluminous discipline code for the Campbell County Schools listed psychiatric referral as a possible consequence for various violations of school rules.

Abusive programs are not only twined with our schools but with local government functions in general. CPH employed someone who happened to hold a local elected office. (I think you can guess which political party.) When I requested paperwork to be signed out of CPH, the guards boasted that CPH owned local judges, who would order me confined for much longer. Indeed, many detainees were there by court order.

So it should be no surprise that PFC won a lucrative contract with the state of Indiana to confine kids at its branches in the Hoosier State.

Food for thought

The more you think about it, the clearer the sheer silliness of all of this is. PFC billed itself as a drug rehab, even though most of its recruits had probably never touched drugs. Yet PFC wouldn't have done any good for kids who had drug problems either - in part because PFC reportedly had no drug withdrawal service. Likewise, very few detainees at CPH - which billed itself as a psychiatric center - seemed to have mental issues when they entered the program. If an inmate did, how is tackling the person, micromanaging every aspect of their lives, and calling them "crazy" supposed to help?

If some of the other young people at CPH had the sort of problems that were claimed, why were they allowed to be around peers where these acts could be repeated? Then again, I suspect they never really had these problems, but were forced to admit problems they didn't have.

That's some food for thought, huh?

Not a lost cause

After bad publicity recently put all 4 PFC branches out of business, we now know getting the NorthKey facility closed is not the lost cause we once feared - if NorthKey is as abusive as it was when it was CPH. And Bro$$art can be taken right down with it – assuming it's still the disaster it was in my day.

But it's going to require more focus and wise choices from us. And more victims are going to need to step forward.


We all know Children's Psychiatric Hospital of Northern Kentucky was a scam. I've seen the paperwork that proves CPH kept hitting up an insurer for more-money more-money more-money to keep me locked up longer - which is insurance fraud. And if this facility thinks I'm making this up, they need to take it up with me, because a family member still has the letters to prove I'm telling the truth.

If NorthKey wants to sue me, they're going to look as bad as that stumblebum on the Internet who sent an unsolicited letter to a radio station 1,000 miles away asking them to send him a t-shirt for free - then threatened to sue for $8 when they never sent him a shirt.

As we reminisce about CPH, one can't help but wonder what this gulag would be like if the guards and shrinks were Muppets. It's time for a primer on the various Muppet-like species that would staff that brutal facility.

Each of these 4 types of creatures can be either male or female - much like the Anything Muppets. But they are often limited as to whether they are unit staff, psychiatrists, or other.

Exhibit #1:

Of the major taxonomic groups of CPH guards, exhibit #1 is the least threatening - at least among those who are frequently seen. This type of guard is relatively easygoing and slow to react. For instance, if an inmate came up with an inoffensive song or commercial jingle parody (like saying "Coke is spit!" instead of "Coke is it!"), this guard would usually just send them to the chair in the hall - instead of taking the kid to the ground and carrying on about it for the next week.

But should you commit a major offense (like having books in your room or not making your bed well enough for a coin to bounce off the sheet), you will hear about it!

Exhibit #2:

Peep this sorryass! This type of guard is a shrill, argumentative, annoying whiner with a by-the-book attitude - at least when it comes to enforcing the many idiotic rules imposed on detainees. This clod is known for seeing violations where even the violator wouldn't - e.g., taking bites of food after getting up to take our trays up, or "manipulating" staff by asking whether something was against the rules.

Oddly, this type of CPH staffer liked to berate inmates about trying to have their way, when they never got their way. It always had to be the guards' way.

A topic of many inmate complaints this guard is.

Exhibit #3:

Look at this humorless clod. Humorless, that is, unless you think "genital odor" is a topic of comedy. This is a "games" and "activities" staffer whose only happy mood seems to be when giving a room full of detainees a speech about "genital odor."

The rest of the time, look out. This guard sees bad in everybody and everything. Every activities session with exhibit #3 begins with a lecture about the various penalties that loom for those who dare to step out of line.

And don't be fooled by this character's wimpy appearance. Perceived violations (real or not) are likely to result in being physically pummeled and dragged several floors away to the "quiet room."

Exhibit #4:

This primer on CPH characters started out with those who are harmless in any other context and has progressed to those who are sheer evil. When you see exhibit #4, run for your life!

This CPH employee is the reason you're there. This is the one who lied to you and your parents about what CPH is all about - just to Make Money off your confinement. Exhibit #4 fraudulently recruited you. If you happen to see exhibit #4 at CPH, this monster will seem to express glee at your detainment.

To be sure, there were other types of CPH staffers besides these 4, but they were considerably less prominent.

CPH as it existed in my day was run by an organizational hierarchy that didn't even know what planet they were on. Like Brossart, they never admitted they were wrong. CPH never pledged not to continue the abuse. When I'm wrong, I own up to it - like most other normal adults. But CPH was above ever being held accountable.


With the school year starting up again soon (which it hasn't yet in most normal American locales), be sure to remind your kids about the Farting Code.

As you recall from your school days, flatulence is governed by a rigid social code. Unfortunately, there's always a few schoolmates who must not have ever had rules or guidance their whole lives, because they fluently violate this important dictum.

The Farting Code decrees that - in most cases - if someone rips an audible bunker blast in class, classmates mustn't name a culprit. You're not supposed to yell out, "Eeewww!" and point at the offender. You're also not supposed to raise your hand and say, "So-and-so here is farting up a storm."

You're supposed to just snicker and let the chips fall where they may.

There are exceptions. If the farter is some bully who you're at wit's end with, the Farting Code allows you to name names.

Unfortunately, some folks don't get it. At Brossart, a lot of people got the Farting Code backwards: They seemed to think the bullies were the only ones who weren't supposed to be publicly accused. Many students found their perfectly good farts ruined by some loudmouth blurting out the fact that it was them.

Another exception is that you have the option of implicating yourself for your own trouser sneezes. This is not mandatory, of course. But if you consider it in your strategic interests, you may. It's a bit like how in chess you can convert your pawn into a knight, rook, or bishop instead of a queen when it reaches the end of the board. This occurs in approximately one out of every 300 bunker blasts.

The Farting Code. It's quick, it's easy, it's the law!


You know something?

Robert Plant. That's what.

You know something else?

Badeedle-badeed! That's what else!

Mr. Plant of course is the legendary Led Zeppelin lead singer who was later known for a successful solo career and for fronting the Honeydrippers. (Forgot about the Honeybippers, didn't you?)

And Frisch's Big Boy of course is the legendary Cincinnati-based restaurant chain that has been known for its declining atmosphere - prompting much mockery of an '80s advertising jingle it used.

So what happens when Robert Plant or Honeydrippers song titles are used to ridicule Frisch's (as Hall & Oates and Men At Work have helped us accomplish in the past)? Absolute hilarity ensues:

Big Log...(badeedle-badeed)...Like the log of shit floating in your Coke at Frisch's Big Boy...Because they dip the Coke glass in the toilet!

In The Mood...(badeedle-badeed)...I'm in the mood to bulldoze Frisch's Big Boy...Because I'm tired of the smell!

Sea Of Love...(badeedle-badeed)...Unlike the sea of urine on the floor at Frisch's Big Boy...Because the toilet has been clogged since 1922!

Rockin' At Midnight...(badeedle-badeed)...Like the sign out in front of Frisch's Big Boy...Because it rocks back and forth until it lands on pedestrians!

Little By Little...(badeedle-badeed)...Isn't the best way to destroy Frisch's Big Boy...Because it's such a public health threat that it needs to be taken down all at once!

Tall Cool One...(badeedle-badeed)...Like the toilet at Frisch's Big Boy...Because it's so tall that you can't reach it, and because it's cool because that's where they keep the ice!


For those who haven't been reading The Online Lunchpail, you may be interested to know that - since 2007 - I've participated in roadside protests against Pathway Family Center that contributed to the closure of all 4 locations.

This topic brings us to out-of-town vacation trips #57 and 58.

Trip #57 - in June - took us to Warsaw, Indiana, where we joined a rally against the confirmedly abusive Hephzibah House in front of the Kosciusko County Courthouse.

Trip #58 - in July - brang us to a protest against Pathwaste in front of Indiana's state capitol building in Indianapolis. Then PFC closed.

Instead of a full travelogue, this time I'm just posting a link to my road photos from these trips. So beep, eep, weep, peep, meep, and (above all else) oggle-beep...

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(Copywrong 2009)
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