The Last Word (tm) SURPRISE!
A nonpartisan populist zine!
Vol. 13/No. 9 - 408th issue - July 24, 2004
Bathroom Bandit, editor-in-chief - serving Bellevue, KY, from New America -
blog blogga blog at


Aw, ANOTHER Republican scandal?!

In New Hampshire, the former head of a GOP consulting firm has pleaded guilty to sabotaging the phone system on Election Day 2002. He faces up to 5 years in the slammer.

Republicans jammed phone lines by making over 800 computer-generated phone calls that blocked phone numbers voters in Democratic areas could call for rides to the polls. As a result of this sabotage, Republicans won New Hampshire's close U.S. Senate "election" and numerous other contests.

A Democratic leader said, "I do not believe this investigation should stop until every single person who had knowledge of this and paid for this is prosecuted."

We agree - but let's not deceive ourselves into thinking the investigation will go all the way to the Republican National Committee like it should, even though the RNC has been engaging in similar sleaze for years. Over the past decade, paid Republican operatives have been flooding Internet forums - even left-wing ones - with conservative propaganda, often repeating a flawed argument over and over many times in one week, in the hopes people will believe it if it's repeated often enough.

For the individuals you see constantly posting right-wing "news" on the Internet, it's not just an adventure - it's a job. You know they're HIRED to post this shit, because they're on the Internet almost 24/7 (as we see from the timestamp on their posts) and don't have time for a job anywhere else.

Right now we're reading the new book The Republican Noise Machine by former rightist hatchet man David Brock. Brock describes in detail how conservatives have used the media and the Internet to advance extremist policies that now go almost unchallenged.

A right-wing harangue posted in a leftist forum by a user who calls themselves The Republican sums up this phenomenon quite well:

"We are conservatives.
We own your future.
Resistance is futile."

But you know the only futile resistance is no resistance. Your freedom is on the line if you sit back and do nothing. Fight back now while you still have the chance.

In the meantime, new elections should be ordered at once to rectify the fraud perpetrated by New Hampshire Republicans 2 years ago.


We never learned about World War II in school - thanks to this great education system we have - but for years we've studied it on our own to see how it affected the life of the average civilian. It's important information you need to know in case the Dumpilator decides to start a new war like he did in Iraq.

Although I usually detest war, I'm not saying America was wrong to enter World War II, since America was attacked. I AM saying the Iraq War was wrong. (Contrary to the babblings of government and media talking heads, Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11.) War is rough business - and if you're gonna go to war there better be a fucking good reason. This matter is beyond the scope of this article.

These days, America's suburban upper class is known for being grade-A wastrels. We once read a true account of a wealthy European prince who took pride in the fact that he ruined a valuable painting by using it to line his coat and killed his own prize-winning horse just to show how little regard he had for things of value. Rich suburbanites in modern America are just as wasteful.

During World War II gasoline was rationed. If America is again involved in a major war, think of how hard it's going to be to get suburban America to give up its trendy new vehicles that guzzle gas like it grows on trees. In the 1940s people weren't used to driving vanity cars 60 miles to work each day on modern freeways - and poorer Americans still aren't. In time of major war wealthy suburbs are going to have to live like the rest of us.

People who lived near the Canadian or Mexican border often had plenty of gas despite rationing, because they just drove across the border and filled up. But the rest of America had to get by on only 12 gallons a month unless they obtained counterfeit ration stamps from organized criminals. (About 15% of gasoline purchases were made with phony ration stamps.)

Even in peacetime it's never a good idea to waste gas - but it's important to note that the rationing program didn't always go smoothly. The government encouraged people to hand over spare tires to use as rubber in the war effort, but most of the tires were wasted as they were tossed in tire piles instead of being used for anything. Some of the rubber from the tires was made into consumer products but did not aid the war effort. Paper was similarly hoarded, and most of it ended up being burned instead of used.

Because so much rubber was hoarded in government stockpiles, it was difficult to find bubble gum during World War II, forcing fans of this zesty viand to wait weeks between chews as they waited in long lines at their favorite stores to buy it. According to one webpage, bubble gum makers had to use synthetic rubber instead of chicle, so blowing bubbles "became hard work indeed." It's safe to say that some of the gum was made from the tires that had been collected.

When the current regime starts asking for sacrifices to support a new war effort, they're gonna be looking at YOU! They won't be asking the drivers of gas guzzlers to improve their mileage, because the suburbs are their base of support. But they'll expect YOU - even FORCE you - to skip necessities such as food and clothing. And they may go further than that, if you know what I mean.

It's not unpatriotic to refuse the dictates of the Bush regime. Nobody wins in a Dumbya war.


How out of touch with reality have conservatives become? Lately they've begun generating noise - 141 years too late - that the creation of West Virginia is unconstitutional.

Don't laugh. They've actually made this a serious topic of debate. A poll on one web page - which isn't even intended to be a right-wing site - actually shows 55% of readers agreeing with this absurd idea!

It is indeed unconstitutional to carve a new U.S. state out of an existing U.S. state without the existing state's consent. But this isn't what happened. West Virginia received statehood during the Civil War, and Virginia (from which West Virginia was formed) seceded from the good ol' U.S. of A. - but then again, the real issue isn't whether Virginia seceded but which faction of the legislature was viewed as lawful.

Evidently, the entire U.S. except us and our readers seceded from the U.S. in the 1990s when a rogue right-wing Congress in effect rejected everything the Constitution stands for. One may claim New America is a breakaway republic, but it's really the rest of America that seceded and not the other way around, since New America at least still has a Bill of Rights and due process. We don't recognize the post-1994 right-wing Congress as legitimate, and we haven't since the rigged "election" 10 years ago. To say West Virginia is unconstitutional would be like if 100 years from now we started printing money with Newt Gingrich's portrait on it.

(We know our view that Congress is rogue has little effect on the power Congress wields. To borrow an analogy used by another user of that webpage, it's a bit like how the U.S. State Department not recognizing the Soviet Union's takeover of countries in eastern Europe was of little comfort to the people of those countries who had to live under Soviet rule.)

In the 1860s, the lawmakers who met in Wheeling were considered the legitimate legislature of Virginia - for they were among those who won the previous election, and they had enough members present to conduct business. They approved statehood for West Virginia - so the argument that Virginia didn't consent to forming a new state has been bogus all along.

West Virginia broke from coastal Virginia's aristocratic plantation owners, and this bugs the living dickens out of conservatives to this very day. Maybe they realize that if West Virginia had not become a separate state they would have gotten to see the rich areas of Virginia withhold economic improvements from the western part of the state - sort of like how today's America is ruled by rich suburbs that have only a small percentage of the country's population and write off poor central cities and rural counties.

West Virginia exists. Cope.



Uh, you know the room charging jerk from Cline?

As we reported a couple months ago, this right-wing terrorist was one of the ones who we discovered is apparently in prison now. As of earlier this year he was jailed for burglary, attempted rape, and assault - unless there's just coincidentally some other guy with the same name in the same state of the same age who looks exactly like him.

Well, now I've found that murder and tampering with evidence have been added to his rap sheet, so now he's doing 34 years.

Big surprise, huh?

And people told me I was the one who was gonna end up in prison someday.

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(Copywrong 2004. Online edition created with Internet Exploder 6.)
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