The Last Word (tm) SURPRISE!
A nonpartisan populist zine!
Vol. 13/No. 10 - 409th issue - August 23, 2004
Bathroom Bandit, editor-in-chief - serving Bellevue, KY, from New America -
blog blogga blog at


I'm an angry man, and I don't always mean what I say.

But when I say George W. Bush is an evil dictator, a war criminal, and a psychopath who knew about 9/11 before it happened, I mean every word.

A new column by populist commentator and former Texas agriculture commissioner Jim Hightower agrees with many of my views on Bush, calling Bush's thuggish followers "bullgoose-loopy, ideological freaks". This is exactly what I've been trying to tell everyone for 4 years since the assault by Bush cultists in Devou Park.

You shouldn't need me to tell you what a nut and lying crook Bush is. Even if you consider him a legitimately elected President, there's no doubt that Bush leads the most unethical, corrupt, and batty administration in America's history.

The nonpartisan Capitol Hill Blue website ( reports the embattled dictator has utterly lost it. In meetings with his aides, Dumbya alternates wildly between quoting Bible verses and screaming vulgarities against what he calls "enemies of the state". He yells that his policies (including his "voluntary" firing of George Tenet) are "God's will" and orders his aides to "fuck over" political opponents. He also calls Cabinet members "fucking assholes" if they disagree with him.

It was also revealed that White House staffers refer to Bush and John Ashcroft as "the Blues Brothers" because they think they're on a mission from God.

During a Cabinet meeting, when his advisers recommended dropping scandal-tainted Dick Cheney as his running mate, Bush yelled, "Fuck 'em all!"

Recently an investigation by Department of Health and Human Services officials showed the Bush regime lied to Congress and the public about how much his Medicare bill would cost. Bush fell into a screeching skizzum when this investigation didn't go his way.

In a tirade against gays, Bush thundered, "What? So I'm supposed to kiss up to those perverts now? I'll tell you something: I don't want any of them touching my ballots. Someone could get AIDS from that." (You can look this up on the Internet if you don't believe he said this.) He said this during the primary campaign back in 2000, and the statement was covered up quite well until recently.

The word "insane" doesn't even begin to describe Disgeorge. Hell, this is the guy who uses the color-coded terror alert system for political gain, so what do you expect?

And am I the only one who finds it suspicious that Bush's military records were "accidentally" destroyed? What? I'm not? I didn't think so.

Imagine what life would be like in his second term. Fortunately, Dumbya's own babyish shitfits may be his undoing, and if Congress certifies the proper vote totals this time, we may never have to worry about finding out what life will be like in a second term, as the dictator is dragged kicking and screaming from the White House by federal marshals.


Bishop Brossart High School in Alexandria, KY, is a whole new world just itching for us to poke fun at it - as we have done many times before. The infamous school won't let go of its grudge after 15 years - so neither will we. Not that it matters, because as long as Brossart stays in business, it is our duty to expose its abuse.

A few days ago I received a madcap e-mail from "A Proud Second-Generation Graduate" haranguing me because I have dared to challenge my former school's evil ways after the way it treated me.

Read it and weep laughing:

"Wow! You are so fortunate to live in a country where you can freely express your views, because you sound to me like the most ungrateful, pathetic, so-called person who had the privilege of walking the halls of BBHS. The worst tragedy is that you weren't expelled sooner. While your English skills are exceptional, you must not have learned anything about the Catholic faith. Get the chip off of your shoulder and give thanks to your parents and God that you had the opportunity to attend Bishop Brossart. Many times school is what you make of it, and you have not destroyed the spirit of Brossart, only yourself."

Truly breathtaking! There's proselytizing, flimsy insults, false patriotism, and bluffing over Bro$$art's supposed victory over us - all in one letter!

We also find the second sentence quite revealing, because it shows that if apologists for Brossfart's tyranny gained more political power they would make it illegal to criticize the school.

Just wait until my book comes out exposing Brossart as the right-wing criminal cult it is.

As if this latest display of Brossart stupidity wasn't enough, visit the Campbell County Courthouse in Newport sometime. The courthouse has computers where you can search civil suits over the past few years. We knew the school was litigious - apparently threatening to sue website owners who linked to our site - but the computerized records prove just how litigious. It looks to us like Brossart - like Fred Phelps - will sue just about anything that moves. The school has even filed bogus criminal charges every now and then.

We're waiting for the court to come down hard on the school for filing frivolous lawsuits.

In America's capital, booger-eating fascists such as Sen. Bill Frist (R-Tennessee) - who is known for torturing cats - have spent the past decade bothering political opponents to vote for bills to limit malpractice and product liability suits, even though it's been proven that states that have such limits have failed to see a drop in insurance premiums for doctors. (So much for the Republicans' claims that malpractice caps will hold down doctors' premiums!) One bill would have limited medical malpractice awards to $250,000 even when the patient is killed or suffers lifelong serious injury, and that bill would have overriden state laws that said otherwise. (Well, so much for the Republicans supporting states' rights!) These bills, incidentally, have failed to address price-gouging by insurers, which is a much bigger cause of skyrocketing health care costs than malpractice suits are.

Why won't they limit REAL frivolous suits like the ones Brossart constantly files? It appears the school rarely wins the suits it files anyway (except by default when a defendant refuses to waste time by showing up to answer the rogue suit), so all the school has accomplished is wasting the time of defendants and the court.

When I say I despise my former high school with the passion of a zillion suns and all the stars, I mean it. I mean it like a big ol' fucking Webster's. The unabridged edition, no less. Every night I go to bed fancying myself as a prosecutor whose job it is to bust Brossart for its crimes. It's a soothing fantasy that helps me sleep so much better. If Brossart was prosecuted in reality, the school would have nobody to blame but itself, after the way I was treated there.

It's likely the smartypants who sent me that e-mail didn't go to Bro$$art when I did, or else he wouldn't be foolish enough to blame me for what happened there. Nobody - unless they have the brains of a gnat - who witnessed how the school made me take a bunch of useless classes twice and allowed terrorists to assault me at least once per hour for 3 years could possibly come to any conclusion that favors the school.

Nonetheless, this is what I mean when I talk about Brossart treating somebody like shit and expecting them not to fight back. We hate you, the school says, but will you please love us?


In recent years the Assholciated Press has held delusions that are typical of the rest of the right-wing media. This includes the manner in which they intentionally equate liberal positions with terrorism in an effort to make the public think conservatives will do a better job at fighting terrorists.

Look at what the AP claimed in a recent article:

"Senior administration officials and counterterrorism experts view the coming months as a time to increase vigilance out of concern that Islamic militants may try to replicate the political success they had in Spain with coordinated pre-election train bombings."

What "success"?

The terrorists failed!

The AP is trying to get people to think those whackjob terrorists support political parties that take liberal positions versus parties that are more conservative. The fact that Spain's ruling conservative party was defeated in the election was exactly what the terrorists didn't want.

For one thing, which are the terrorists more like: conservatives or liberals? In America, right-wing religious extremist groups like the Christian Coalition are terrorists, exemplified by their open support of school harassment. The New Right in America opposes most of the same things terrorist regimes around the world oppose - and supports most of the things such regimes support. And let's not forgot how Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson gloated over 9/11. We don't see how anyone can possibly claim the international terrorists who attacked the World Trade Center and bombed the train system in Spain are liberal.

More to the point, conservatives have since 9/11 been aiding and abetting terrorists, letting them win by turning America into a police state. Their support of forcing libraries to turn over records of what books their patrons have borrowed, for example, sounds like it's straight out of the pages of some of the dictatorial governments that are always named on lists of terrorist sponsors. The terrorists are probably snickering to themselves about it this very moment.

Six months after 9/11, Bush even had the nerve to declare, "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." Thanks for admitting that you don't give a shit about terrorism, George.

A vote for the Republicans this November is a vote for international terrorism. We need to elect leaders who are serious about making the public safer.


Early this month, the terror alert level got raised again. It's not like we were paying any heed, because every time Bush slips in the polls, the alert level seems to go back up.

Around the same time, however, the Bush regime had the audacity to reveal to the media the name of a double agent who worked to catch Al-Qaeda operatives. This enabled 5 Al-Qaeda terrorists to escape into the underworld upon hearing he had been arrested. British authorities had no choice but to arrest 13 terrorists before gathering enough evidence to successfully prosecute them - so now these terrorists might not even get convicted of any crime, all because some idiots in the Bush regime couldn't keep their mouths shut. The 9 out of the 13 who weren't let go can only be held for 2 weeks while authorities build their case against them.

Before the double agent was outed, the Pakistani government was using him in a sting operation to nab Al-Qaeda operatives all over the world - but now this effort is ruined.

It turns out that the White House leaked his name because they wanted an excuse to raise the terror alert level and get a boost in the polls. In the process they let dangerous terrorists get away.

Some have wondered aloud why this isn't the top story at every news outlet in America, but one may make the case that the Bush White House is so incompetent that fuck-ups like this aren't really news because they've been happening so frequently. This time, however, Bush's actions may have cost more innocent lives than just about anything else he's done lately.

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(Copywrong 2004. Online edition created with Internet Exploder 6.)
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