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the last word (tm)Vol. 14/No. 8 - 422nd issue - November 5, 2005
PEPPER POOS PANTS OVER POT David Pepper. A weird one indeed. Pepper is one of 2 remaining candidates for mayor of Cincinnati. Both Pepper and his opponent Mark Mallory are Democrats, but many of Pepper's ideas sound more like something we'd hear from one of the more sociopathic sectors of the Republican establishment. As a member of City Council, David Pooper has actually proposed a city ordinance to toughen the punishment for possession of small amounts of marijuana, to make the penalty even stiffer than it is under Ohio law. Pepper wants to impose a $500 fine and 60 days in jail for anyone in the city caught with even the smallest amount of this natural herb - even though it's a victimless "crime". It's no wonder he's the Big Business candidate, for Big Business usually does support draconian crap like this.
Pepper's ridiculous idea was blasted by city residents who spoke before City Clowncil's law committee. One man who was a self-described Republican admitted that he sometimes relaxed with the contraband herb to relieve stress at the end of the day. We get the image of a guy leaning back in his recliner in front of the TV, with a portrait of Reagan (Dumbya would be too creepy) hanging on the wall above him and smiling at him as he lights up a big, plump toker. So even a Republican can enjoy inhaling the airy, wisdom-bearing vapors of this flowering plant, which is one of the best stress relievers and medicinal substances nature gives us - but the fact that this occurs at all is too much for crybaby David Pepper to handle, even if it happens in the privacy of one's home. An anti-crime activist from Over The Rhine also criticized Pepper's right-wing plan, because most of the drug dealers there are selling hard drugs, not pot. Denver eases tyranny Other cities have headed in the opposite direction from where Pepper wants to drag an unwilling Cincinnati. Voters in Denver, for instance, just approved a measure that will make it legal to possess less than an ounce of marijuana. In some other American cities, pot isn't a high priority for cops. Predictably, however, the ballot initiative disturbs Denver's political establishment greatly, as they insist on continuing a failed War on Drugs. Prior to the vote, one city councilman tore down political signs that supported the measure. (Real damn tolerant, huh?) And prosecutors say that even though the proposal passed, they'll continue to file charges over small quantities of marijuana, even though the so-called "crime" is no longer illegal. Other shit It's not unfair to criticize David Pepper's sillier antics. In a democracy, it would be considered a patriotic duty. Sorry, Dave, but here at The Last Word, we gotta do what we gotta do, just like we've been doing for the past 13 years. It seems Pepper is one of these political figures who thinks everyone in the world except themselves is a stoner. Last year the city barricaded 13th Street and claimed it was to block motorists from buying drugs. This happened with very little input from neighborhood residents, and the blockade made it needlessly difficult for law-abiding people to get to their own homes or workplaces. Similar devices never stopped drug dealing in other cities, because the sellers just went to nearby streets that were more easily accessible - and the same happened in Cincinnati. The barrier was erected primarily because officials in suburban communities wanted it. This was the suburbs' conception of a Berlin Wall between the central cities and the surrounding suburbs. City Council eventually voted to take down the barrier, but Pepper remained one of the barrier's staunchest supporters. But here's the real disgrace: In the first round of the mayoral campaign, Pepper ran a TV ad viciously attacking opponents of the barrier as "nutty." We're "nutty" for opposing an idea that had already been proven as a failure? That's bloody open-minded of you, Dave - not! "Nutty" describes the fartpipe who drove his truck into a group of antiwar demonstrators and got off with a hand slap. "Nutty" describes sports executives who - after the taxpayers paid for their new stadium - expect the county to pay to hire security to manhandle every fan, without any just cause whatsoever (even though the county doesn't want the pat-downs). People who opposed blocking a road just to soothe wealthy suburbanites' irrational fears are not "nutty." Ohio election officials also ruled in a unanimous 6 to 0 decision that Pooper violated state law when he implied in a TV ad that he was already mayor. With Democrats like David Pepper, who needs Republicans to fuck things up? In other times and places, Pepper might have been shrugged off as a crank for supporting toughening the marijuana laws, but because of what we call rightism creep, people are now so accustomed to batshit ideas and behavior from public officials that they view Pepper as less aggravating than they otherwise would. CORPORATE CRYBABIES BORING US TO TEARS Go away, America's Toilets & Testes. You're starting to bore me now. In the month since our previous ish, yours truly has received 4 more bills from AT&T claiming I owe $15.86. As I said, this is a bogus charge, and I ain't paying. The most recent sported a due date of November 1 - but it arrived on November 4. The most hilarious of these letters threatens to sic an outside collection agency on me at my home. Try that, and I pursue trespassing charges. One of the letters - probably to satisfy an official rule, because I can't imagine AT&T informing someone of their right to dispute a bill unless they had to - says I may appeal the bill to the Kentucky Public Services Commission. I'll probably do that. Two of the bills also contained an ad for some insurance company that included a business reply card - the kind you can mail back for free. Because I didn't ask for ads to be included with my bills, I'm going to leave the cards blank and mail them, so the junk mailer has to pay to receive a blank card. I've been told that lately AT&T has been doing to other folks what's already been done to me - namely, charging for services that nobody ordered (phone slamming). Pooing is cool. AT&T has gotten so predictable that I'm almost ready to start throwing away their letters unopened. Since it looks like they're never going to stop mailing me, there's no need to continue regaling you with this ongoing saga, unless AT&T decides to raise the price of poker by filing a lawsuit or sending collection agents after me. Of course, suing me would be about as silly as when angry sports fans called the police because they couldn't get through to NBC to complain about Heidi cutting into the football game. Nonetheless, I wouldn't be surprised if the ToileTestes crew does do something weird eventually. And so, the decline of the moneybags society continues. WASHINGTON GOP TRIES TO PREVENT PEOPLE FROM VOTING How out of control is the GOPoo? The Republican Party in Washington State has been illegally trying to keep over 140 people in King County, a strongly Democratic area, from voting. This badgering came to light when a voter received a letter stating that his right to vote was being challenged by a woman who lived across town. The person issuing the challenge claimed the voter wasn't actually living at the address he was registered under - although in fact he was. The voter's residence was an old apartment building in a very heavily Democratic neighborhood, but the challenger insisted the building was a storage unit or some other nonresidence. It turns out that the challenger was a party apparatchik in the county Republicans - and that many other voters in that apartment building also received letters about their votes being challenged. So someone's challenging their votes. No big deal, right? All of these residents can just go ahead and vote unobstructed, because this is all just a little mistake, right? Unfortunately, it's not so simple! These voters must now go through a lengthy hearing or submit a signed affidavit, or their votes won't be counted. The Republicans were caught with their pants down around their feet, so they announced they were withdrawing the challenges. They insisted it was just a coincidence that the challenged voters were all in a Democratic area. Yeah, a big coincidence (like in that episode of "Seinfeld"). You know the Rethuglicans are pulling the same shit elsewhere but just haven't been caught. In other areas, they've posted fliers intentionally telling people to vote on the wrong day so they miss the election, so you can't put anything past them. Interfering with a person's right to vote is a serious federal crime. Republicans in the state of Washington broke federal law when they issued the challenges against voters. The victimized voters need to pursue this to the fullest extent the law allows (ooh...). RIGHT-WING IDIOTS THREATEN PUBLIC OFFICIALS FOR DISAGREEING WITH THEM According to KCRA-TV in Sacramento, California, members of the local City Council are being deluged with hundreds upon hundreds of threatening, vulgar e-mails and phone calls from conservative wingnuts, after council voted to pass an antiwar resolution. Among other things, these threats warn council members, "hope your children are beheaded." Ah yes, the Right shows its tolerance, restraint, and good taste! (That's sarcasm, people.) Council members are forwarding the e-mails and calls to the cops. Of course, we don't expect anyone to be prosecuted for making the threats, because this is the same county where a right-wing DA refused to go after conservatives who trespassed on a dissenter's property and vandalized an antiwar display. Then again, most of the e-mails come from out-of-state agitators who are sticking their snouts where they don't belong. Obviously the asswipes sending these e-mails don't have anything better to do with their worthless lives, so maybe they ought to go enlist in that war they support so much, instead of relying on everyone else to fight the war for them. The evidence suggests that the threats are part of a massive organized campaign. We have a good guess at what right-wing website might be behind this, and if you're familiar with that site, you're probably thinking the same thing. Last year that site's users were encouraging each other to assassinate John Kerry, so we know how low that site will stoop. If it turns out this site is behind the threats, we believe prosecutors have good cause to go after it for racketeering. Reading us online? Click on these words to go up to our index! (Copywrong 2005. Online edition created with Internet Exploder 6.)
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