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Vol. 15/No. 6 - 429th issue - October 11, 2006 - - Bellevue, Kentucky
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Oct. 11 - We ought to be damn good and mad right now, but the past quarter-century of ongoing conservative corruption and extremism has made us run out of things to break. Besides, many feel as if the ruling party is about to finally pay the piper for its continuing scandals - Time magazine even called this the end of the Republican revolution - so at least some measure of satisfaction looms for us on election night.

We can only sit back in astonishment as the Mark Foley scandal widens, and as the length of time that congressional conservatives covered up for him expands elastic-like. (Now we know they've known about Foley's behavior since at least 1995.) The wingnutosphere has tried to shove blame onto the "big, mean liberals" for this conservative scandal, but it looks like nobody's buying their bullshit this time.

We've exposed links between pedophilia and the modern brand of American conservatism before - like when congressional Republicans attacked Janet Reno for being too tough on Internet predators. One piece on our website mentions the fact that some right-wing clod who harassed us in the Great Usenet War, who was 30 at the time, tried to pick up under-aged teens on Usenet, and how another supported NAMBLA.

So the conservative side is involved in some sick stuff. Make no mistake about that.

We wish it wasn't true. But it is. We've known for years that there's something seriously wrong with those who ally with the breed of conservatives that has gained power since the 1980s. (Trust us on that.) The fact that many of them prey on our young people is just one of many manifestations of their psychological abnormality.

Local congressman sponsors fascist bill

We came up with the headline "Another Reason Pedophiles Will Vote Conservative" just before we found out about the Foley scandal, for this article wasn't even intended to be about that. (Now that's prophetic!) Rather, this piece was conceived to be about a bill written by one of our own local pet wingnuts in Washington.

Geoff Davis is Northern Kentucky's right-wing congressman. This embattled Republican is up for reelection next month. About a month ago, Davis introduced a bill that seems tailor-made to please pedophiles in school systems all over the U.S. of A.

The dinosaur media has glossed over the fascism of this bill, but websites like Drug Policy News have exposed it as the bizarre crock that it is. Davis's misnamed Student and Teacher Safety Act would require - yes, require - schools to implement policies allowing warrantless and random searches - including strip searches - of large groups of students. Schools that refuse to comply will lose all federal funding.

Even with all the bad school systems that dot the American landscape, there probably aren't very many that allow students to be strip-searched without a warrant and probable cause. Allowing it would create a serious legal liability. But Davis's bill would force schools to allow it.

Every pedophile in an American school must be rubbing their hands together with joy right about now.

Minus the potential for strip searches, Davis's legislation still leaves the door wide-open for other fang-baring Nazism. It forces schools to allow other large-scale searches even without probable cause. In Goose Creek, South Carolina, in the Nazi-friendly year 2003, folks got an unasked-for sneak preview (doo dooo da doo doo doo...) of what life would be like in a Geoff Davis America. When a high school principal there suspected one student may have had marijuana, the local SWAT team descended on the school, handcuffed 150 innocent students, and violently shoved them face-down on the floor at gunpoint. Drug-sniffing dogs were then made to paw through their bookbags, chewing up everything in sight, including notebooks, bubble gum, and bag lunches. The search failed to turn up any drugs or weapons.

Only a big bully - not a real cop - would participate in such a clearly rogue raid. A real police officer would want probable cause before even setting foot in the school, let alone detaining even one pupil. What were students supposed to think while they were being pinned on the ground over nothing? We guaran-fucking-tee you that if something like this happened to us, a lot of heads would roll. What the right-wing thugocracy that runs the country doesn't know is that folks may finally be coming to their senses, and that's why they think they can get away with this shit.

Davis's bill says every school district must "ensure that a search" as defined with almost no limits "is deemed reasonable and permissible." The right-wing criminals who compose Congress's Mepublican (sic) leadership loved that - for it verbalized what they've wanted to do for years. (They have such trouble forming a complete sentence that it took this long.) So they made sure the bill wasn't even voted on in committee and was fast-tracked so it could be passed almost as quickly as it was introduced. They passed it on a voice vote, so nobody would ever know which members voted for it. Davis's bill faces a less certain future in the Senate, however.

We're not implying in any way that Davis himself is some type of predator. But his bill firmly establishes him as an extremist kook who enables those who harm our young.

Don't vote for Davis

The moral of the story is: Don't vote for Geoff Davis. This warning becomes even more dire when you see who's been bankrolling Davis and other Kentucky Republicans. Although Mark Foley lives miles away in Florida, his Florida Republican Leadership PAC has donated at least $1,000 to the Davis reelection campaign. It also gave heavily to other Kentucky GOP panjandrums: at least $2,000 to Ernie Fletcher's 2003 gubernatorial bid and at least $1,000 to wingnut Alice Forgy Kerr's failed congressional campaign (the special election of 2004).

Davis already got fined heavily for his refusal to obey campaign finance laws (a transgression he blamed on political opponents), so that's not exactly testimony to his integrity. Davis later accused John Murtha (a decorated Marine) of treason because Murtha wanted to withdraw troops from the Iraq quagmire.

And now Geoff Davis is writing bills to enable pedophiles and fascists. His school search legislation may have appeal to school predators and the Freak Rethuglic types who want to build a gallows on every school lawn. But that's it.

A vote for conservatives is a vote against your children.


Oct. 11 - If the Mark Foley outrage really is the end of the conservative revolution, then the media is not blameless for delaying the closure of the unhappy period in American history that this revolution has represented.

Fox News, several Florida newspapers, and other news organizations received copies of one of Foley's explicit e-mails last year, but refused to run a story on them. The main reason given? It might have hurt Foley's pwecious widdle feewings.

This is especially astounding because one of these same papers broke the Gary Hart nonstory just before the 1988 campaign got under way. They couldn't get that little item into print fast enough.

If you think it's good that the Foley cover-up didn't come to light until now, when it will be fresher in the minds of the public when they vote, bear in mind that the news outlets that failed to report the scandal at first never intended on running the story at all - ever. They weren't planning on springing it a month before the election. Besides, the cover-up by Republican leaders had already been under way for a decade, so it's not like that wouldn't have been discovered once Foley's conduct became known. More importantly, protecting potential future victims by exposing such misconduct by a public official is a duty.

And don't think more couldn't have been done about Republican sleaze a year ago, or that the scandal would have died down within a year. This scandal does have legs, so to speak, and if it had been made public a year ago, there would have been more time to see just how much deeper it might go.

I guess that's why they call it the dinosaur media.


(Another Brossart Wit & Wisdom installment!)

Remember our "Brossart Wit & Wisdom" feature? You would have adored us in the mid-'90s when we ran this feech in every single issue! It discusses the hated Bishop Brossart High School, a tiny Catholic school in Alexandria, Kentucky. Yours truly attended school there from 1987 to 1990.

Detractors like to charge that our conflicts with this miserable excuse for a school were of our own making. But if that's the case, why do we devote so much negative attention to just this school? If we were the cause of our own misfortunes there, then wouldn't we have also elicited just as hostile of a welcome at every other school we attended? Funny, we never had any problems at Holmes like the kind we had at least hourly at Bro$$art.

As a result, The Last Word has lampooned Brossart for damn near 14 years. Furthermore, nearly one-third of my book The Fight That Never Ends is devoted to just this one school and the fact that the school knowingly encouraged student harassment. So sue us. In this zine or in the book, we've never printed anything that was false, so the truth is a defense.

But on a happier note, let's talk boogers.

You know. The green stuff. (Now we know why Brossart uses green as its school color.)

One day, during geometry class in my second year at Brossfart (probably the year when people threw stuff the most), I was sitting there chillin' like a villain, when all of a sudden something green and crusty materialized on the back of the seat of the desk in front of me. A student who sat across the aisle from me saw it and began snickering uncontrollably. Why? Because that green object was none other than a boo-gar.

Now, I have a confession to make. That bloop of dried, sticky mucus didn't just magically appear stuck to the back of the desk. It had to come from somewhere. And I'm afraid I must confess that the boogie was not placed by the Invisible Man. Rather, I was the one who did it. Little ol' I. Lovable, furry Grover. (Just kidding about the Grover part.)

My nose was tickly in geometry class that day. To dislodge the irritant, I placed a thumb over one nostril, and quietly blew out the other. Out came a boog.

It's something that's happened to all of us, I'm sure.

This was school - not a formal occasion, nor a place where I had any respect for my surroundings. This was Brossart, for pity's sakes, and I wanted nothing less than total, smashing ruin for the desks, the chairs, the chalkboards, and other classroom furniture. I felt as if school property could have used a good emboogering, thanks to the way I was treated at that shithole of a school.

Even at the digs of my most unrefined acquaintances, I would never have done such a thing. But because this was Brossart, all bets were off as far as acting civilized was concerned.

I know I'm not the only person who did such a thing at that particular school. Who could forget the time someone wiped a booger in a library book, and the nun in the library thought someone glued the pages together? The more psychotic members of the Brossart community probably used mucus as a gum detector, by sticking the crusty crew under a desk, then scraping the green boogly-wooglum back off the bottom of the desk in the hopes that it picks up some vitamin G for them to masticate.

The little green football that was wiped on the desk in geometry at Brossart is a bit like the celebrated "boog in a book" at St. Joe's, in that it was entirely justifiable. Perhaps not as justifiable as the time the paint can got peed in down at the Eye, but justifiable nonetheless.

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(Copywrong 2006.)
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